Elevator Etiquette

Quoted below is an article which appeared in Times of India Mumbai on 10^th September 2011. Very well written article mocking at the elevator etiquette. Read on to find out if you are one of these species of Liftosaur:

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ARE YOU A LIFTOSAUR?

Have you ever entered a lift and wished you’d taken the stairs because the person sharing the cramped space with you is breaking every rule in the book? Chances are you have, unless that obnoxious rule-allergic liftosaurus is you. So, is there really a book of elevator etiquette? Well, it’s not a leather-bound tome, but rather an unsaid understanding. So what are these rules that we love to break? Here’s a TOI analysis, with some help from Asterix

Rowdynomics 

We often treat the lift as Metro compartment, rushing to get in even before the individuals standing inside can come out. Believe it or not folks, that lift will come back, unless it has a date with a hot female lift. If you can’t find space inside the metal contraption, try letting the ones inside come out. There’s a word for this process. It is called cooperation.

Doormatix 

Some fellow citizens use the lift door for their daily entertainment. Whenever they see a friendly face rushing towards the door, they immediately press the door-close button instead of holding it open. As the door closes, they even flash a grin at the hapless fellow, as if to say: “Take the next one chum”.

Lethargix 

Is your weight more than your IQ? If yes, consider skipping the lift altogether. Read this slowly — S T A I R S. Not only will the exercise help you burn some calories, it will also be safer for others who use the lift. Have you heard of shock absorbers in cars? Well, I don’t think lifts have them. If you’re the slim-shady variety, then using the lift for just one floor is still not advisable. It is just one floor people. How lazy can you get?

Mobileantix 

The word ‘loud’ is abhorred by the liftocracy. So, if you have loud voices, loud mobile ringtones and a loud personality, we have got two words for you: Zip it. In a silent lift filled with strangers, a sudden outburst of ‘Munni badnam hui’ is not really welcome. And we don’t want to hear the dirty talk from your girlfriend on the other e end either.

Upstandix 

When you enter a lift, how do you stand, where do you look, what do you do? For a start, move away from the door. It kinda stops it from closing. When you enter, most of the folks inside will have their faces towards the door. These folks are sane.  If you stand facing them, you are not. Do not stare. Not even if Pamela Anderson and Katrina Kaif are in the lift. Look down as if you are guilty about something. Eye contact is an excellent conversational tool but in a lift it amounts to staring. If you wanted to stare, you should’ve taken the ‘stare case’. And unless you like being squashed together like passengers in a DTC bus, give the others some breathing space.

Dogmatterix 

There are lots of other do’s and don’ts. These include preventing your pet from taking a leak inside the lift. The same goes for you. It’s a lift, not WikiLeaks. If you have a dog or a bicycle to transport, it’s better to wait for an empty lift rather than inconvenience others. If there’s a mirror in the lift, do not use it to check the number of hair in your nose. That’s just cheeky. And lastly, no naughty PDA. Get a room people…one with windows.    (For more stories, log on to timescrest.com)

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